October 7th, 2004

The Three Coolest Things I Saw in Minneapolis

1. A Black Squirrel.

While walking around the U (This is what Minneapolitans call University of Minnesota: “The U.” Do you find it a bit annoying, or is it just me?), we saw a jet black squirrel. I guess they have these in some parts of the country, but neither Kate nor I had ever seen one.

It crossed our path at one point. I’m not sure what this means, but I thought it was worth noting, in case I have a really weird streak of bad luck from another dimension in the coming weeks. Like I grow a second head or something.

2. The Skyway

Oh yes. I’m talking carpeted, climate-controlled hallways in the sky.

They connect all the buildings in downtown Minneapolis, so you don’t have to go outside to get places. This is good, because on a normal day in Minnesota, going outside results in freezing to death.

They run over all the streets, which is really cool. They also run right through the second floor of all of the buildings in downtown, which I found kind of strange. You’re walking along, going from point A to point B, and all of the sudden you have to cut straight through a bank where people waiting in line for the tellers, or you wind up in a corporate building where they’re holding a meeting or in the middle of City Hall. And all of the employees and businessmen in these places are just going about their lives like there’s not a steady stream of people briskly walking through the room. Bizarre.

The most ridiculous part of the skyway, however, is how much shopping you can do on your way. There are stores built right into the sides of it. And at different points, the skyway cuts straight through a Marshall Field’s, a Saks Fifth Avenue, a Sharper Image, the entire second level of a mall. You’re never without the chance to consume. Kate and I were like little capitalist gerbils, scurrying through the tubes, collecting coffee drinks and postcards, and stuffing them into our cheeks.

Despite all its weirdness, though, I’ll admit it was pretty damn amazing.

You know, life is a skyway. And I want to ride it all night long.

3. The Cartscalator

Target is based in Minneapolis and they have a huge store there (it’s a “stop” on the skyway). It is two stories with a set of escalators in the middle. There are normal up and down escalators for people, and, next to each, there are escalators that have grippers for the back wheels of your shopping cart. You push you cart onto the “cartscalator” and it rides up beside you.

With the exception of the time we saw the black squirrel and chased it around, taking pictures of it, Kate and I had done an excellent job of suppressing our inner-country-bumpkins in the big city. Upon seeing this contraption, however, there was no hope. Giddy with excitement, we headed straight to the front of the store and dropped our two items into a cart (between us, Kate and I were purchasing one pair of socks and one tube of Chap-Stik). I got to do the honors of pushing our cart on, and, let me tell you, it might just go down as one of the greatest moments of my life. It was definitely the best time I’ve ever had in a Target, anyway.

(An addendum: I found out today that the new Target they opened at North Hills in Raleigh has a cartscalator. It’s slightly disappointing, because I thought I’d experienced something very, very exclusive and metropolitan here. Regardless, if you ever get the chance, I highly recommend giving a cartscalator a whirl.)

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