November 30th, 2004
The Clapper
So how was your Thanksg…? How was y…? Hhh…? Ha…?
Oh forget it. I was going to ask how your Thanksgiving was, but the part of my brain that allows me to small talk/bullshit/play “catch-up” with people has still not recovered. It went out at some point during the firestorm-of-28-relatives-I-haven’t-seen-in-a-long-time and it still hasn’t come back on line.
My condition is worrying me a little. What if I never regain the ability to be pleasantly sociable?…
Boss who’s thinking of giving me a promotion: “So did you get out to the golf course this weekend?”
Me: (Indifferent silence because I have no interest in golf.)
Boss: “Have your desk cleaned out by the end of the day.”
It’s been awhile since I’ve posted an update, I know. I’ve been traveling like crazy lately and this is the first time in the past two weeks that I’ve had the time.
Now that I’m back, let’s talk about Broken Social Scene.
I listened to a lot of music during my travels, mostly on my newest iPod (Apple has replaced my iPod three times now, and this new one still doesn’t work properly — more on this soon) and one of my favorite albums at the moment is Broken Social Scene’s You Forgot It In People. It’s phenomenal. I just have one question: what’s with the clapping? No, no, I’m not referring to the fit of applause you’ve burst into while reading my blog. I’m talking about track three, “Stars and Sons.” Great song. I even like the instrumental interlude, even though I can’t make it through that part without being overtaken by laughter. Probably because I expect some sort of guitar or keyboard solo, and instead, I get a person or persons clapping eighth notes into a mic.
Now we’re all used to hearing clapping on quarter notes as additional percussion. But this clapping is different. It’s rapid-fire and very predominate in the mix. Couple that with the fact that it doesn’t come in until the interlude, and, well, it’s a solo. A clapping solo.
CLAP-CLAP-CLAP-CLAP-CLAP-CLAP-CLAP-CLAP… Whose idea was this? Why are these claps given such prominence in the mix? Did they have to hire a special studio “musician” to come in and do them?
Or better yet, maybe there’s a member of the band who just claps. No back-up vocals. No tambourine, even. Just claps. In different patterns. And only during specific parts of songs. God, I hope this guy’s out there.
I’ve decided he’s fat, with long hair, thinning on top (maybe a pony-tail, I’ll have to think about it) and he wears a sparkly, spandex jumpsuit with a cape. Wouldn’t that be great? Especially if the rest of the band just looked like normal indy-rockers that had rolled out of their van. He’d only come on stage for the songs he clapped in. On stage, leaving stage for a few, back up for another one…
This image popped into my head one day (too much allergy medicine, probably) and now I can’t get it out. I think about it every time I hear this song.
Lately I’ve been conducting in-depth interviews to get other people’s perspectives on the clapping solo (“Dude, just claps!?! I mean how did that get on the recording? Don’t you think it’s even a little funny?”). It’s been brought to my attention that most people don’t find this particularly humorous. Doesn’t matter though. I’m taking a stand here.
Even in the midst of today’s music, which all seems to be produced with a let’s-just-keep-adding-all-kinds-of-various-sounds-to-this-recording ideology, this clapping solo is absurd.
Mark my words, if Christopher Walken is still hosting SNL in 20 years (and if there’s any justice in the world, he will be) there will be a skit about this song.
“I NEED MORE CLAPS, BABY!”
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