December 31st, 2004
I’m Gittin’ Hitched!
Well, here’s pretty much the biggest news of my life so far: Stephanie and I are engaged. No doubt, many of you already know this, but I felt like I should make an official announcement on my site.
Here are the detailed answers to questions I’ve been getting a lot.
1. “Did you surprise her?”
Yes. And keeping it a secret has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. For some reason, during the past few months, the subject of “if and when we are getting married” seemed to come up everyday when Steph and I would talk. Just in the course of normal conversation, it popped up all the time. “Should we go somewhere for dinner?,” Steph would say. “How about the Rockford. Does that sound good to you? Do you think we’ll get engaged in the next year?”
Maybe it just seemed like this because I already knew I was ready for it. I was trying to play it cool and say things like “I don’t know when we’ll get engaged, Steph. Let’s just take it easy,” while the impulsive part of my brain was banging itself on the inside of my skull, screaming “Do it now! Just blurt it out!” and trying to send messages to my mouth to make it say “I’m going to ask you to marry me on Christmas! And I’m getting a ring made for you. And you’re going to love it!”
Somehow, I managed to keep the secret the whole time, though. She had no idea.
2. “How did you ‘pop the question’?”
I was planning on just showing up at her apartment after she got back from visiting her family on Christmas Day, and asking her…until three days beforehand. Something about this simple, straightforward approach had always bothered me. When Bliss asked me what “wacky scheme” I had come up with for popping the question, I knew what it was: just showing up and asking was too conventional. I needed something different…something needlessly complicated. (With me, big events always involve last-minute plan-changes, panic, and indecision. If it were any other way, it would hardly be worth doing.)
I told Bliss that I had had one idea: Steph loves those gumball-type machines that dispense cheap toys in plastic capsules. She’s put a quarter into one every time I’ve gone to a grocery store with her. I thought it would be cool if I could somehow fix it so she got the ring out of one of those. But this seemed like a risky chance to take with the ring, and since grocery stores are closed on Christmas Day anyway, I had abandoned the idea.
“I guess I could just buy one of those machines,” I said jokingly. Then I had an epiphany: “I could just buy one of those machines!” Why didn’t I think of it before? I’ve see them on display at Sam’s.
I called Mom, who loved the idea, and, fortunately, is a Sam’s member, and we met there. The problem with their gumball machines is they’re just floor models. To get one, you have to order it weeks in advance. Even after Mom appealed to the store manager, telling her how we needed to buy a floor model for a marriage proposal, she wouldn’t budge.
So, three days before Christmas, I was tearing through the Yellow Pages, calling everyone under “Vending Machines”: “Hello, I’m looking to buy a gumball machine and…” And, for some reason, most people reacted like I had just asked them if they carried black-market organs.
“Uh…we don’t sell those.”
“Well, do you know of anyone in the area who does?”
“Uh…no.”
Imagine my elation when, after about 40 cold calls, a voice on the other end said “Yeah, we got one,” like it was a perfectly reasonable question people asked everyday! I was talking to a used video game and vending machine store, quite possibly the sketchiest place on Earth. They did have the perfect gumball/proposal machine, though.
The point is I was able to buy it off of them. Next I had to fill it with toy capsules.
3. “Where did you get those?”
I could only find one machine in town that dispensed the right-sized capsules. They were all filled with those ugly troll dolls, which is not what I envisioned filling the machine. An engagement ring coming out a machine full of troll dolls? That doesn’t make any sense. Unfortunately I was running out of time. All I really needed was the capsules, anyway, so I started pumping quarters in. After about five minutes I had quite a collection in my jacket pockets. The Food Lion employees began whispering to each other and pointing at me. I could see their reflection in the troll-machine glass. But I didn’t care. Just a few more and I was out of there.
I took out all the trolls and replaced them with more interesting knickknacks from around the Witchger house.
4. “Wait, so you now have a collection of hundreds of ugly troll dolls?”
Yes.
5. “What are you going to do with them?”
I have no idea. I’m open to suggestions.
6. “Were you nervous?”
Not at all. Not until I decided I had to track down this gumball machine and had such a hard time finding one. And not until I had to wait ’til the 23rd to pick up the finished ring. And not until I had to set everything up at Steph’s apartment so it worked like it was supposed to. And not until I had to wait and wait and wait for Steph as she was driving back from New Bern. Oh yeah, and not until I had to call to her dad, 10 minutes before she got back to her apartment, to ask for his blessing. While all this was happening, I was a mess.
Once she put a quarter in, twisted the knob, and that capsule containing the ring came out, I felt much better. I’ve known for a long time that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Steph, and that I’d never forgive myself if I let her get away. I’m pretty sure she feels the same way about me. All I had to do, at that point, was make it down on one knee and say the words (without doing anything klutzy).
7. “Well it’s about time you two got engaged.”
That’s not exactly a question, is it? But as I said I’ve been planning this for a while now. As cliche as it seems, I really wanted to purpose on Christmas Day. Christmas is Steph’s absolute favorite day of the year. She’ll tell you so at least 100 times every holiday season.
8. “So when’s the wedding? Have you set a date yet?”
Whoa. We’re just talking engagement here, who said anything about getting married? One step at a time, people.
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