July 6th, 2005
And This Time, It’s Personal
So here we are. The Fourth of July has past. It’s all downhill from here. Before you know it the back-to-school sale signs will be going up. I still can’t stand the sight of them.
A lot has happened to me so far this summer, and, for one reason or another, I haven’t mentioned a lot of it here. Though most of you know this stuff already, indulge me while I get some things off my chest. (After all, what kind of “blogger” would I be if I didn’t let you in on every sordid little detail of my life?)
My career is in a “transitional phase.” In April I lost my “job.” I say “job” because it was not, technically, a “job.” (A “job” is a 40-hour-a-week position with a company with full benefits. My Dad will go running naked through the streets when one for his children finally gets this kind of “job”…. That child will, of course, be Kevin.) I was an “independent contractor” at the place where I worked. It’s just that I worked exclusively at this place, Monday-Friday, for almost two years, so it felt like a “job.” I learned a lot there and I got pretty tight with the people I worked with. Recently, however, I was very abruptly and permanently “let go” (fired, laid-off, etc.) by the companies owners. Anyway, that’s about all I’m going to say about it for now….
I’ve picked up some other independent contractor work since and I continue to learn more about graphic design everyday, but I’m still hunting for a…“job.”
Also, did you know that ”Gross Profit Minus Business Expenses Equals Net Profit or Loss?” I don’t know what’s so gross about turning a profit, but I do know that I’m becoming my own CPA. Being that I am not very good with organization or with numbers, “CPA” is more likely to mean “Crazy, Punk Artist” or perhaps “Confused, Please Assist” in my case. Regardless, the unavoidable truth is, the more freelance work I do, the more tax forms I have to fill out, and the more I get asked for invoices, and the more I need my own accounting system. This is my goal for the week (which, as you can see, I’m hard at work at). Yesterday I took the IRS online seminar for small businesses and, boy, was it thorough. Extremely thorough. In fact, I’d highly recommend it to all my freelancer friends out there who have six hours of their life to spare. You’ll learn a lot.
For those of you who want to know where I’ve been all summer, I’ll tell you: in my parent’s backyard. I’m not avoiding you. I’ve been helping the family build a new screened-porch off our deck and do yard work and just generally fix up the house. This is good, because I need to put in a certain amount of time working outside every year, and I don’t get many opportunities to do it anymore. I realize this probably sounds suspicious to some of you, but it is not a cop-out because I don’t like hanging out with you. I really, honestly enjoy manual labor. When the warm weather comes I am overcome with the desire to dig and hammer and sweat and get bit my mosquitoes. It has something to do with my parents never buying me a Nintendo, I’m sure. All my personality quirks stem from that.
And those who have seen me in the past few weeks are probably wishing they hadn’t because I won’t shut up about my speeding ticket. I just keep repeating the three following sentences: “I got a speeding ticket in Virginia!” “What am I supposed to do about this speeding ticket I got in Virginia?” And “I’m never driving over 35 mph again! Even on the highway! (Sob).” About a month ago, Steph and I were on our way to visit her family in Hot Springs, Virginia, and I got pulled over for speeding. Not only did I get a ticket, but the State Trooper was convinced that we had marijuana in the car. The trooper called for back-up, which came, then he ordered Steph and I out of her car and over to his car. He had me “assume the position” on his cruiser and patted me down (no shit!), all the while rattling off questions about where we were from and where we were headed. Meanwhile, the other officer was off interrogating Steph. I knew we didn’t have any drugs or weapons on us, but it was still really scary. (I’ve heard stand-up comedians from other races talk about this feeling of nervousness around the police. I think I’m a little closer to understanding it now.) They spent about half-an-hour searching Steph’s car, found nothing, and finally let us go.
As far as the speeding ticket, after a few weeks of phone calls and indecision, I ended up hiring an attorney. I’ve never done this before. It was expensive, but the fact that I could pull out my cell phone, turn to whoever else was in the room, and say “Excuse me, I have to call my lawyer” was pretty cool. My court date was a few days ago, and I did get out of the ticket, under the condition that I go to back to Virginia to attend a day long “Defensive Driving Seminar,” which I’m sure will be very…thorough. I’ll be going up to do that soon (then complaining about it here, shortly after).
One other thing: Kate is taking the GREs in just a few hours. I hope you’ll all join me in wishing her “GRood Luck.” I’ve been telling her “GRood Luck” all morning, but for some reason she’s not laughing. I don’t know what her problem is.
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