June 26th, 2008
A Dog with Flees
“If you’re a single guy and you want to meet a girl, get a puppy.”
It’s well-worn, time-honored advice, but I wonder, has it ever actually worked? I guess I could see a woman being drawn to a man who has opened his life up to nurturing and caring for, oh say, this:
.
So I bet it’s worked in the past. These days though, I think being a younger man walking a cute little puppy might make you look like kind of a creep. In that “Could you make it any more obvious that you’re trying to pick up chicks?” way. Ya know, that “What’s your plan if this doesn’t work out? Putting on a silky shirt with the top five buttons unbuttoned and a gold chain, heading into the first bar you find, ordering a Jager Bomb, inserting yourself into the eyeline of the nearest even-somewhat-attractive female, and dropping a ‘Come here often?’” kind of way.
I am basing this on some reactions I’ve gotten from women age 18–35, when I’ve been out walking our new puppy Lilly. And before I go any further, let’s clear something up right now: I do not make a habit out of approaching younger women on the sidewalk and coercing them into conversation. I am happily married! As long as Steph didn’t give up on me two sentences ago! (Which I know you haven’t, honey! Have you?) The only reason I’d now assume that a younger woman on a stroll would want to stop and talk to me is that, since I’ve been walking this dog, everyone wants to stop and talk to me. I know the life story of neighbors that we’ve said nothing more than “hey” to for two years now. Each passerby wants to stop and put in some time with our dog (Why you ask? Ahem:
). She seems to enjoy meeting new people too, so I’ve gotten accustomed to slowing down a little and giving people an affable expression to let them know that they can have at it if they so desire.
The vast majority of the time, myself and the other party then acknowledge each other, crouch down, rub (the puppy), scratch (again, the puppy…mostly), discuss the puppy’s paw size in painstaking detail, talk to the puppy as if it has a working knowledge of the english language, and perform all the other idiotic pleasantries associated with puppy-sharing. Or rather, this is what we do when it’s any of the following:
- A man of any age and me+Lilly
- A woman old enough to be my mother and me+Lilly
- Two or more people, at least one of whom is a man and me+Lilly
- A man of any age and Steph+me+Lilly
- A woman of any age and Steph+me+Lilly
- Two or more people of any combination of ages and genders and Steph+me+Lilly
One could pretty safely assume this is also what happens when it’s:
- A woman of any age and Steph+Lilly
- A man of any age and Steph+Lilly
- Two or more people of any combination of ages and genders and Steph+Lilly
When it’s women age 18–35 and me+Lilly however, the vast majority of the time it’s an uncomfortable, almost terse exchange with nary a second glance at the pooch. Three times now I’ve gotten smirks. (This could just be because, whenever our dog catches sight of new people, she starts violently struggling against her leash, like a tiny rodeo bull, trying to get to them, and they’re disgusted by dogs who sometimes behave like unwashed mongrels. But I don’t think so. I feel there’s something more accusatory in this look. Even I have to admit, if I wanted to use my dog to attract the fairer sex I might train her to do this. Then I’d polish an act of patiently yet haplessly wrangling her, all the while tossing out good-natured glances that say “yep, this one’s a handful!” and secretly pushing her closer to my target. In my delusional, single mind I’d probably imagine this being effective. But of course I’m not trying to attract the fairer sex. Still reading along, right Steph? Of course you are! Hello?) What really bothers me though, is that the apparent disapproval is always accompanied by expedited movement in an opposing direction.
This would be one thing if it were just me, sans dog. I’m no Zack Morris, or whoever it is they’re pining away for these days. But eyerolling and running away? At the sight of this:
?
Get over yourselves, young ladies. Recognize:
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