December 18th, 2008

A Small Peak at the 24-Hour Laugh-Fest That is Life with Me

Steph (upon viewing the large sign on Capital Blvd. that reads “Castle Erotic Video & News”): “What type of ‘news’ do you suppose there is in the field of erotica?”

Me: “I’m sure there are things for people to keep abreast of.” (Idiotic smile.)

Tags: Conversations | No Comments »

December 4th, 2008

The Bachelor

Kevin is “graduating” from college in a few days. I hope you’ll all join me in telling him “congratulations.”

Snarky quotation marks seem appropriate here, because Kevin is going to continue taking classes at NC State next semester, just as he’s been doing for many years now, in preparation for earning his master’s. He’s already received a scholarship to pay the tab for his first semester, which is pretty cool and I think even warrants a non-quotation marked: congratulations.

I know, dear reader, exactly what you’re saying to yourself. “But please, expound on how this affect you.”

Well, once Kevin gets into his graduate program (which he will) I will be the only member of my immediate family, including my wife, who is not in possession of, or in the process of getting, an advanced degree.

Yes, I will be “the dumb one.”

This may not strike some of you as that big a deal, but when you’re an oldest sibling, you get used to knowing more than everyone else at the dinner table. You’re learning things that your brothers and sisters haven’t had the chance to yet, and that your mom and dad have long forgotten, or weren’t exposed to as they weren’t in existence yet.

Isosceles triangles. The finer points of driving. Which science classes to take. Classic works of literature. I was the authority on these subjects and many more. But soon all the people I shared such knowledge with are going to be engaging in sophisticated, graduate-studenty conversations, containing so much theoretical gibbrish that all I’ll hear are the sounds of the grown-ups from the Peanuts cartoons.

We’ll be at a fancy cocktail party (which my family, being highly educated, goes to all the time) and my parents will introducing Kate and Kevin and Steph to local diginitaries and then we’ll get to me and they’ll say “Oh him? [Sigh.] This is our oldest son Bobby. He just has a four-year degree.” Gasps will ripple through the crowd, monicles will go plinking into drink glasses, and I will be sent out to the car for the remainder of the evening.

My mom has her master’s in journalism. My Dad has an MSW and is working towards a doctorate in adult education. Kate’s post-graduate was in visual anthropology. Steph’s earning her MLS. Kev’s about to start his master’s in engineering.

At least I’ll get the first crack at taking all these nerds to noogie-town.

Tags: Family | No Comments »