March 1st, 2009

Uke Can’t Stop It

Perhaps our most ambitious undertaking to date…. Which is saying very little.

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February 19th, 2009

Come Around and Talk It Over

In this video:

Yours truly: Lead vocals, ukulele.

Kevin: Backing vocals, upright bass.

Gerald “‘Neighbor’/Papa-(Jerry) aka Updyke” Updyke: Backing vocal, ukulele.

…and Half of the Cast of a Sounds of the Rainforest CD.

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January 9th, 2009

Contingency Plant

Led Zeppelin Considering a Tour Without Robert Plant.

Yeah, what a great idea! I mean it’s not as if Robert Plant has one of the most distinct voices in rock and roll and is an irreplaceable part of that band or anything! Who needs him!?!

But who to replace him with? So many qualified candidates out there! Here’s what I consider the short list:

1. Jack White

As Pitchfork said, he’s “possibly the only person alive who could plausibly replicate Plant’s swagger and yelp.”

Pros: The kids like him.

Cons: Has way too much integrity to go along with this crap.

Song(s) he’d nail: “When the Levee Breaks.”

Song(s) he’d butcher: Probably couldn’t keep up with “The Crunge” or anything else that has a complex drum beat.

2. Myles Kennedy

Apparently, “Myles Kennedy” has already been rehearsing with Page, Jones, and Bonham

Pros: I got nothin’.

Cons: Never heard of the guy. Also, apparently was once in the band Creed.

Song(s) he’d nail: If his vocal range is anything like the original frontman from Creed, the only song he’ll be able to do is that version of “Rock and Roll” from The Song Remains the Same where Plant sings it an octave lower for some strange reason.

Song(s) he’d butcher: Every single other Led Zeppelin song.

3. David Coverdale

Was in Coverdale/Page with Jimmy Page, post-Zeppelin.

Pros: Has a similar “lion’s mane” of hair. Is British.

Cons: Is probably still recovering from the trauma of being forced by Jimmy Page to sing and act exactly like Robert Plant for a few months in 1993.

Song(s) he’d nail: Springsteeny-stuff such as “Trampled Underfoot.”

Song(s) he’d butcher: Namby-pamby mythological stuff such as “The Battle of Evermore.”

4. Paul Rodgers

Was in The Firm with Jimmy Page, post-Zeppelin.

Pros: Is British.

Cons: Would just be a second-rate David Coverdale.

Song(s) he’d nail: Springsteeny-stuff such as “Trampled Underfoot” (though not as well as Coverdale).

Song(s) he’d butcher: Namby-pamby mythological stuff such as “The Battle of Evermore” (though not as well as Coverdale).

5. Perry Farrell

Very obviously wanted Jane’s Addiction to be the next Led Zeppelin.

Pros: Very obviously wanted to be the next Robert Plant.

Cons: Despite being the lead singer of several famous rock bands, has a voice like a cat undergoing electrotherapy.

Song(s) he’d nail: “Moby Dick,” “Black Mountain Side,” The middle section of “Dazed and Confused.”

Song(s) he’d butcher: All the tunes involving vocals.

6. Chris Robinson (of The Black Crowes)

Jimmy Page toured with The Black Crowes a few years back and a large amount of Zeppelin material was in the set list.

Pros: Did a surprisingly good job with that Zeppelin material.

Cons: Is Chris Robinson (of The Black Crowes).

Song(s) he’d nail: Most of the good ones.

Song(s) he’d butcher: Probably couldn’t go into crooner-mode like Plant, so “Down By the Seaside” and the like.

7. Ronnie James Dio

Has experience being a sub-par-new-lead-singer from his work with Black Sabbath.

Pros: Like Plant, enjoys prancing around with swords in his music videos.

Cons: Is creepy and weird.

Song(s) he’d nail: “The Immigrant Song.”

Song(s) he’d butcher: “Bron-Y-Aur Stomp.”

8. Alison Krauss

Recent collaborated with Robert Plant to record the adult-contemporary-ish album Raising Sand. Is currently touring with Robert Plant.

Pros: Getting her onboard would totally stick it to Robert Plant.

Cons: As a woman, would probably refuse to sing the band’s more misogynistic lyrics (of which there are many). Is mostly an adult-contemporary-ish performer.

Song(s) she’d nail: “Bron-Y-Aur Stomp.”

Song(s) she’d butcher: “The Immigrant Song.”

9. Gary Cherone

Has recent experience being a sub-par-new-lead-singer from his work with Van Halen.

Pros: Is probably not busy at the moment.

Cons: Had a hand in composing “More Than Words.”

Song(s) he’d nail: “Going to California.”

Song(s) he’d butcher: “Whole Lotta Love.”

10. Mark Wahlberg

As far as I know, has nothing to do with anyone in Led Zeppelin, but this whole “finding a new Robert Plant” thing reminds me of that movie Rock Star.

Pros: Getting him onboard would be like some bizarre, surrealist joke. Works out a lot and therefore would look good in uncomfortably-tight jeans.

Cons: Don’t think he was doing his own singing in that Rock Star movie. Most likely cannot, in reality, sing. According to SNL, would just keep telling everyone to say to “hi” to their mothers for him.

Song(s) he’d nail: A rap-remix of “All My Love.”

Song(s) he’d butcher: Way too much of tough guy to sing the normal version of “All My Love.”

Personally, I’d go with Cherone.

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